Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
