i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
