Ambien. No doubt about it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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