You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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