ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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