I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
