i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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