Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't deserve a penis
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
