Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
