I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
