I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
