What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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