so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
