So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
