Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize