meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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