im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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