I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
