I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
