i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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