i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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