My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Boobs are out for the taking
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
