Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
