the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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