He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
