No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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