sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
