ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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