so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
