A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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