Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
