worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
