weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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