it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
