also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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