So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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