I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize