just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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