I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
