Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.

Fav 10 1755 5238
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(716): View more from New York

just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.

Fav 22 2164 6201
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(734): View more from Michigan

Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.

Fav 7 5199 1376
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(502): View more from Kentucky

He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.

Fav 12 1783 4435
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.

Fav 7 6285 1805
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(419): View more from Ohio

having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...

Fav 7 3037 1209
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(571): View more from Virginia

Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter

Fav 2 1179 620
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(860): View more from Connecticut

i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again

Fav 0 51 16
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