What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
