What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
