she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
