Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
