I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
