At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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