What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
