My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
