I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
