but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
