we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
