My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
