ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
