no, he came in my armpit
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
