I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
