It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
