paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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