There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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