Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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