Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
