If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize