her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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