if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
