I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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