Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
