his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
