Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
