I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize