i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
