what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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