Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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