Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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