I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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