you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no you cant smoke seaweed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
