no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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