Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
