It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize