It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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