It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
