i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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