I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it's like heaven, but drunker
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
