do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
