So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
