Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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