I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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